My name is Emma and I’m a qualified counselling therapist based in Windsor and Farnham Common. I’m passionate about supporting women to reconnect with the truest version of themselves, allowing them to experience their lives to the fullest.
“I’ve Lost Myself”: Therapy for Women in Their 30s, 40s and 50s
It’s not unusual for women in their 30s, 40s or 50s to feel unsure of who they really are.
It’s often at this point in life that many women start to find ourselves, despite being surrounded by family, work, and responsibilities, totally disconnected from our lives, our loved ones and ourselves. By the time we reach our middle years women are often experiencing emotional, physical and mental burnout but struggling to identify what is actually wrong, or how to fix it.
If this sounds familiar, you are not alone.
Why So many Women Feel This Way
From a very young age, many women are taught—explicitly or implicitly—that our value in life lies in looking after others:
- Trying to win approval from parents
- Fitting in with friends to feel accepted and part of a ‘tribe’
- Presenting a certain version of ourselves at work to be seen as capable or competent.
Later in life, it can show up in relationships—putting partners needs first to hold on to love—or in motherhood, where giving your all to your children is sadly still a fairly standard societal expectation.
As we get older, the list of people to take care of only grows; children, partners, friends, neighbours, co-workers, aging parents. The mental load of keeping all these plates spinning on top of careers and/or family responsibilities very often falls mainly on one person. We are striving to do it all, have it all and keep up definitions and expectations of being a woman that are just way beyond reality. And when we inevitably make a slip up, no matter how small, we tend to blame ourselves and feel racked with guilt, whilst holding ourselves to up to impossible standards.
In the midst of all of this, your own needs, identity, and sense of self get lost.
The Impact of Hormones and Life Transitions
Hormonal shifts around childbirth and perimenopause / menopause only add further complications. Not only can these changes affect mood, energy and memory, often there are physical changes too that can impact your confidence. You can look in the mirror and not recognise the woman looking back. If there have been further challenges such as being an adoptee, a survivor of domestic abuse, experience of fertility issues, grief and loss or illness, these can add a further layers of complexity and often a further loss of self.
Far from being in our “prime”, or “thriving”, many women in midlife feel flat, anxious, disconnected, forgotten about or overwhelmed.
Why “Self-Care” Isn’t Always Enough
Self-care such as getting outside, moving and nourishing our bodies, positive lifestyle changes and spending time with loved ones is very important. However, by the end of the day, many women feel emotionally, mentally, and physically tapped out. Meaningful connection even with loved ones, let alone ourselves, can often feel out of reach. And if we do manage to drag ourselves to that yoga class or force ourselves to listen to that meditation, it can all feel just a bit performative and yet another thing we are trying to tick off the never-ending to-do list, rather than being that nourishing, recharging experience we might really need.
And whilst medication and supplements can have a huge impact for some, they often don’t treat the root cause of the problem or they target just one specific thing, missing the bigger picture.
Menopause - Help and support - NHS
“What’s Wrong With Me?” — The Real Answer
If you’ve ever asked yourself:
- Why do I feel so empty, even though I have so much?
- Why don’t I recognise myself anymore?
- Why can’t I feel ‘normal’?
- Why do I feel so disconnected?
You’re not broken, and you are not alone.
Therapy Can Help You Reconnect with Yourself
In my counselling therapy practice in Windsor and Farnham Common, I offer a space where you can take off the mask, speak your truth, and begin to reconnect with who you are underneath all the different the roles you’ve had to play.
It is an opportunity for you to start to explore your deepest thoughts and feelings. It is a safe and non-judgemental space for you to voice the things that can sometimes feel unthinkable to actually say out loud.
Together, we can explore the parts of you that have been left behind or silenced and gently begin the process of reclaiming them. You don’t have to do it all alone.
If you're a woman in your 30s, 40s or 50s or beyond and feeling lost, stuck, or like you’re running on empty, therapy can be the first step to reclaiming back the real you.
Are you thinking about taking that first step?
If any of the above has resonated with you, please get in touch and we can arrange a time to have an initial, informal conversation to see if working together feels right for you. I currently have space available to see you face to face in Farnham Common, online or by telephone.
Email:emma@evolve-well.co.uk
Telephone: 07979 103672